Tumblr.

FINALLY...

I have my own tumblr... WOOT WOOT!

BUT.

I'm so I.T challenged.

HAHAHA.

I get it, bits by bits now though.

Come and look...

www.epahhatesfish.tumblr.com

I'm still learning ;)

Sweetness.

"The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for."

Can't help but wait.

It's been ages hasn't it! :D

I'm currently at home, filling my days with whatever I have in mind at that moment. Won't deny it, I miss Miri. & I miss the people in Miri. Although I do feel a bit relieved since I don't need to study and pass my exams and all that in this period of time, but I do miss the life. All & all, it does seem to intrigued me, about what's gonna happen through these months that I have to face. Had a big lapse from my life, and currently recovering from it. I hope. :)

I'm a victim of my own doings. It's as if I'm still falling but hasn't hit the ground. Not yet. Very soon though, very soon indeed. Allah save me.

Tonight is gonna be a good good night.

Feels good to be home.

SO SO GOOD.

I'm ecstatic, yes...ecstatic.

Almost...orgasmic?

Yeah, maybe that too.

LOL. :P

Endless supply of food ranging from chocolates to dim sums to fruits and ohhh yogurts. Damn!

This is why I love home.

Anyways,

It's already the end of the semester, and having my one month holiday now.

Explains why I'm at home.

Hopefully everything goes as planned.

Till then.

Let me enjoy the comfort of my family & home :)

xxx.

Someone?

Be my Superman, and save me?

:)

Finals starts NOW!

My first paper tomorrowww!!! WOOOOOSSSSSAAAAAAAAAA!

I can do this, I can do this!

All the best & Good Luck to y'all sitting for exams!

Say a little prayer, it might just help...

We need all the luck we could get.

GOOD LUCK, people!

;)

You know what?

I hate you for making me feel like this...

But did you hear the end of it?

I can't get enough of you.

Because, I .....

Hmm :)

Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher. :)

This is the last day of study week and I'm being so unproductive. I tried to study, but i failed. LOL. Okay, I won't lie, I did read a bittttt, but after awhile I couldn't 'cause of the condition I'm in now. I'M SICK. :(

Damn you flu + cough + sore throat + headache + fever ! I swearrrrr, I need to study so bad, but this is so not totally helping.

God, give me the strength to carry on.. (Gimmick lebih je, too overly over dramatic. HAHA)

Anyways, what I am right now is annoying the hell out of me. I can't taste my food, my taste buds are dead...for now.

I cannot smell anything. I cannot smell my food, I cannot even smell myself!!! GAHH.

I don't know how I smell like... :( LOL.

&OHHHHH. I found out I have asthma??? WTF. Freaking asthmaaaa??? I just think it's funny, after 20 freaking yearsss. Apparently, the doctor said I'm wheezing a bit... Hahaha. URGH.

Oh hey, moving on...
I'm quite addicted to this K'naan song. He's some Somalian artist, pretty good song by the way. I think it's the FIFA World Cup anthem song or something? I heard this other one from Shakira, but I don't think it can beat this one.

This one's awesome! lol. Take a look :)

Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher. :)

Very cool huh. I love it. ;)

I want you to know.

“Just because I appear happy, doesn’t mean everything’s ok. Just because I don’t listen to you, doesn’t mean I don’t care. Just because I’m gullible, doesn’t mean you can lie to me. Just because I’m sarcastic, doesn’t mean I don’t take things seriously. Just because I’m not like you, doesn’t mean I’m weird. Just because I don’t say I love you, doesn’t mean I don’t.”

World Spins Madly On.

I swear I miss Mathew so much now. I want you back.

One more time, just to hear you breathing...

:')

Flowers by the Lakeside.

I find it amazing how much your heart can love someone and no matter what they did or going to do, your'e still there for them. And no matter what they've done, you're okay with it. Not to say that you are totally okay with it, but you learn to be okay with it. And you can still take them as for who they are. No matter how little or much they had change. Just the thought of being in line with someone, I find that you are lucky if you can actually have someone you can talk to, practically about anything at all. Though, you might get shocked from what you are about to learn from the other person. But it's amazing how that person can just calm you down just like that. Maybe it's the comfort they give, or that soothing voice they talk to you in, or their presence that you can feel so strong. Or maybe, it is just them. Maybe you guys are meant for each other, but you don't know it. It's like destiny, how ever far you run away, and whatever things you do to avoid it, it's there. It's always has been there. Just there. A static feeling both of you can feel. Sometimes it's so strong, even the people around you are touched by it. I thank you for being in my life. Though the harsh things I might have said or may not say in front of your face; I appreciate you in my life. Thank you for being there.

Or maybe I'm all wrong for being a fool...

:'(

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!

I'm gonna die!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!

I'm panicking so so bad right noww!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!

I need Valium!

Each moment counts.

You know when you're in this one state that you just have to get something off your mind, it can either be a confession or just a thought that has been bugging your for some time. You know that feeling? Well, I get that feeling a lot. A hell lot. But in the end, most of the time I tend not to tell it to anyone. 'Cause most of the people I would want them to know about whatever it is I wanna tell them, they'd just go MIA on me. Or I don't know...Or something. So.. at the end, I just keep it to myself cause after that I don't feel like talking about it no more. Tried telling you, but you didn't wanna listen. Tough luck. That moment just passed by.

Sleep texting.

Hi ya peeps!

How's your day? Mine's okay. Though, I had a bit of a shock from someone sometime this morning. A good shock probably, but you know...it's not supposed to happen.

Anyhoos...moving on....

So, like... I've been having all these dreams right, like they are so totally weird. LOL. But yes, I have been having weird ass dreams that may include you probably!!! It all seemed so real that I got freaked out myself. It's hard to explain, but I think these dreams of mine lately has got to do with what I keep thinking of. &Even when I slept for 8 freaking hours, I still feel tired when I wake up. :(

It's the subconscious mind of Epah, man. & It's scaaary.

&It's not like it's not already weird...

But apparently, I've been sending weird messages to certain people in this few weeks whenever I wake up with a jolt from my sleepless dreams. I've been sending messages half asleep. I've been sleep textinggg.

It's like drunk dialing, except that I don't drink and it's not a call, and I won't exactly remember on what I'm doing. GAWD.

I blame the overload shit full of works & the tense. It's intensity is too intensive.

GAAHHH. Oh well.

Good night.

Catch a faling star & put it in my pocket, save it for a rainy day...

♥♥♥

Okay, I have a confession. I have been logging in and out of my blog account here, but not managed to write even a single sentence, that is until now...
Nothing seems to interest me, I lost hope, I lost my touch, my interests, and hell lot of respect from a lot of people probably. But if you were to ask me 'how's life?' I'd say, it's good. It's all good...
You see, this is the problem here. I AM THE PROBLEM. I bought this predicament to myself, now I have to gather and muster all of myself to sort this out. I seem not to care, I don't know why. I mean, I don't want to disappoint people that has hopes for me; be it high or low, but but but..I'm being an asshole.
I'm gonna try to wipe my mess and get my shit straight, Inshaallah.
I think I need a little push, just a little, not a lot. Overdoing it might give me the wrong idea and impression which may get me back to square one.
But oh well, I'm proud enough to know that I know I have a problem but not proud at the way I'm dealing with it...or not dealing with it at all.

But you know... Maybe that's just how I am. That's how I work..

'Cause you know...

I think I just have more shoes to walk in.....

♥♥♥

The Marley Theory.

Singin' : Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!

;)

Normal for me.

I don't know what is wrong with me...

I know I have assignments I need to finish up..

What the hell am I thinking? :(

Someone has to look up inside my head.

Before it gets worse.....

Whoop-dee-doo.

I've been watching too many series of WEEDS...

I had a dream my dad was selling drugs...

Along with my 2 uncles,

And me...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

Okay, not funny..

But you know, you can earn a lot of money from that...

Though dangerous..

Hmm...

It's like a small family business...

Oh, maybe I can do that for my Management 100 assignment...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Okay, I'm loosing it...

LOL.

Feels good to be home.

I've been home for sometime now.

It's gonna be a long 2 weeks, a not-so-tuition-free-week, but still I think it's always good to get away and take my mind off things. I do have a lot of assignments though. Really need to start doing soon...

Anyways...

It just feels good to see the people around you, just to remember where you stand. (if I'm even making sense) :)

Been doing a little bit of reading, so I just I'll just be on my way...

Good day, people!

Cheers! xx.

Those Moments.

Remember when we used to hang about and just keep on talking? Remember how you used to tease me about everything you can just to get the story out of me? Remember all the secrets that I told you, and you told me? Remember when you used to drive me anywhere I want to go because you just feel like so? Remember all the places we've been? Remember the times you got mad at me for not listening? Remember when you used to care so much? Remember you used to tell me stuff...and you used to tell people stuff too, just to get me out of trouble? Remember when we just have each others back?

I remember... I remember all of it.

I miss you, Mathew... We all here do.. And being in Curtin just doesn't help at all.

We try not to talk so much about you now, because it just gets to us. Every time someone says your name, everybody just keeps quiet. I know they don't say it, but I just know everybody misses you dearly. I do.

I just have these moments when I think of you; I just don't like the feeling.

Man, I miss you. :(

It's the weekend!

I just suddenly have the urge of going out and getting crazy!

Ladies! Who's with me??

;)

Peace is just a state of mind.

Right his moment, one year back I lost my grandpa...

Yesterday, I lost someone dear to me..

Two more days from now, it's exactly 4 months since I lost Mathew..

&I've been having one of those days where I feel like I'm loosing myself.

I don't know where my mind is at now. I just really need someone.

Allah, help me. ;')

Nothing lasts, don't it?

An epiphany I had...

I think I'm over-thinking love.

LOVE - Should be from your heart, not your head. Ahh, what am I saying. Love just doesn't work well on me. Very non-wearable on Epah. LOL.

I had always think that it just doesn't make sense to force someone to be with you, even if you care a lot. Even when that specific person would be the last person you wanna lose. If the person chooses not to be with you, probably he/she has got good reasons behind that. &There's always no point of having a forced relationship, why don't just let it go then eh?

I think we moved a lil' bit too fast. Even for me.

You would just be crazy if you liked me anyways...

'Cause you know, I had always imagine myself as a spinster when I grow older. Maybe I don't belong with anybody, I'm just as good as I am.

Thanks to those who I have talked to about this and talked to me, I love you guys. :')

“When someone leaves you, the worst thing you can do is ask yourself why,” she began. “Because as soon as you know the answer to that question, you’ll just replace that question with another one—and no one should have that much power over you. At some point, you have to let go, and realize that you can’t make someone want to be with you. Either they do, or they don’t. Now if they do, then great; but if they don’t, then move on and believe that God has something better for you.”

I just need time to understand all of this and pick up all the little pieces I left on the ground. And all the things I had ignored. You... I am so sorry. I never wanted to be a burden to you. If you're happier like this, I'll let it be. I pray for you on every single chance I have. InsyaAllah, this will get better.

And here I am, right back where I started, and poor me, was too innocent and naive to think that it would last forever.

That happy/sad feeling.

I've started packing things to bring back to Miri. I'm leaving for campus in approximately 3 or maybe 4 more days. It's already almost 3 months. Damn.

Been behaving in a lethargic manner nowadays. It's unhealthy for me I know.

Nevertheless, I'll see all of you on the other side!

Good day,..

Now...let me continue my packing.

;)

Happy Chinese New Year 2010!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

It's the year of the tiger! Rawrrr! LOL.

Though...

I'm sad for not going back to celebrate this new year with the family.

Pity mama there's too much stuff going on at home she can't go back..

Kung kung!!! Next year okayy! I miss you! I love you!

So sad...I actually shed a few tears while watching the fireworks from afar. Damn. :(

Of relationships, complications & you...

Sometimes we are too busy to notice our surrounding, we keep this fast pace in our lives so we can catch up with almost everything. Sometimes we don't notice the little details that makes the whole picture perfect. Sometimes we go so fast we tend to leave out words.

Sometimes words...tend to slip out of our mouths...

Without mutual understanding, it can create chaos. I'm just a girl; asking for you to understand me. I'm trying really hard right here. &Most of all, I love you.

Sometimes, we just forgot to stop...And smell the flowers.

I'm sorry.

Talking about needs.

All of a sudden I'm having this urge of having pet cats. Or to be more precise, just a cat. I miss having cats I can play with or even talk to every time I feel like it. They don't complain like humans do so it's always a plus. It's more of a plus because humans too need listeners once in awhile.

But you know after thinking it over and over again, although it's cute to have a cute pet but maybe it's not such a good idea. Since I'll be away for campus and there won't be anybody that would take care of my cat(if I would actually have one)voluntarily.

And of course, after all the hamsters I used to have that died on me...and also my sisters. Maybe it really is not a good idea. I even had a hamster that ran away from it's cage. Was found a week after, then gone again a few days after that. Take note though, I wasn't the one taking care of them, I was in Uni. LOL. Still I feel sorry for them.

Aaah... Alright.

Let's just get down to business and let me tell you what I really want...

I really want to get this out of my chest.

Actually,

..........I really want satays. LOL.

Yes.....satays. :)

Open Your Eyes.

Oh yes, my holiday is coming to an end. Real soon. I still haven't started my journey of finding myself though. LOL. Though I did find a part of me. In somebody else. :)

You know what, I just noticed something. I've been behaving in this mundane-kind-of-behavior lately. It's a good start for a new version of me. 'Cause you gotta admit, getting excited at almost anything can be a little dull, not to say annoying(and bothers the hell out of me in a way)sometimes. Not that I'm saying it's not fun to do so. But you know...Hehe.

But oh well. I guess there's never an ending to that kind of journey. And even when there is, the journey of the journey (if that makes sense?) is all that matters, not the end result. Like what people say, "You are what you're made of". But is that really true?

If you ask me, I gotta agree with that as cliché as it might sound.

So anyways...

I stumbled into this the other day. Brothers & Sisters, take a second and do take a look. It's something more of the religious side of me I guess. For those non-Muslims, also Muslims readers; it's an eye opener for me. Hope it's for you too.

It may be applied to other religions too(in a way?), if you want it to be.

Wait up till the middle part okay... 'Cause you know, sharing is caring. :)

SubhanAllah.

My Weekend.

It takes just one person to make you feel on top of the world.

It takes another to make that world crumble and fall.

Life is full of bizarre expectations.

&Some things are not to be expected.

Come what may, because I know...this too shall pass.

:)

Flabbergasted.

Apart from all the little commotion and obvious shown of confusion and sadness, I must admit, I'm pretty damn happy right now. Really happy. &I can still be 1st. :)

Babe, I thank you for that; for what you did today...

At least I am more at a peace of mind now. =)

I'll see you next week? Can't wait to!!!

xxx ;)

Harleen, I have big news. Will tell you ba, don't worry. :)

Second place.

I'm always the 2nd choice, never the 1st one.

I'm always never good enough.

'Bout time I should just accept the truth.

About time,..

:'(

You have no idea what I'm going through. :)

Dear you,

Basically what I've been doing is downloading and watching movies over and over again.. My life pretty much sucks so bad lately up until the point I feel so numb. I don't know what to do.

Now, I'm in this state of waiting for something to happen, because you know and I know... We both can't do anything about this. Mostly me. All I can do is wait.

I'm just waiting for that moment to come, and for me to fall so I can pick myself up again. Hey, listen to me. It wasn't any of your fault. I left 2 years ago, I made that mistake. You can't feel guilty for what I did, right?

I pray, with all my heart for your happiness; now and forever. InsyaAllah it's gonna turn out just fine. If it won't, time will heal baby. Time will heal.

I love you. =)

&Ohh, I accidentally downloaded this movie, "A Lot Like Love", watched it already and it turned out to be more like a lot like us. But, with you know, with a happy ending. Our ending haven't even started.

Keep that smile on your face, no more sad faces. OK? :)


From,
me ♥

Seven pounds.

I just finished watching Seven Pounds. Clare recommended it and told me it's a good movie. I've had the movie in my laptop since last year which I got it from Chris. (aww, I miss Chris. & I miss you too, Clare)

Anyhoo...

Finally took the liberty of my time and sat down to watch it.



Turns out I had missed a lot by not watching this movie so much earlier on when I had it with me all this while.

I'd say... It's one of the most beautiful and inspiring movie I've ever watched. It's touchingly sad. =')

I have always been a Will Smith fan too, I find all his works quite marvelous. Hats off and a big clap. Great movie, you should watch it too. :)

Woot Woot!

I was in the car heading back from a cousin's wedding today, and all of a sudden I was like "Eh, it's 2010 already?" Everyone in the car started laughing. Lol. Yeah, it is 2010.

Subhannallah. Alhamdulillah. Allahu Akbar.

We've made it this far. ;)
Be thankful that we've made it this far. New resolutions anybody? Me? I've never really had one... I do hope every year is better than the one before. & I hope that for all of you too.

Thank you for being in my life, thank you for coloring my life. You've made me who I am today, & I've too.

So to all the people I know, Happy New Year 2010. Let's sit down, take a moment to look back at all the things we've been through; through thick and thin.

&Also, prayers to all the people I have lost in my life. Prayers to the loved ones, prayers to everybody.

Cheers!

Have a good year ahead! InsyaAllah. =)