Sunday, August 30, 2009

Knowing you, Knowing me.

You know what? My brother invented a theory. For me.

Before that, this post does not have to do with anything at all. It's just a random thought that has been in my mind for some time. Read if you want, leave if you may. =)

Anyways, I remembered my brother said,
"I think the first guy you ever dated just fucked things up for you and changed your perceptions on good guys. Like the actual good guys that girls should give a second look at and actually give the chance to be with. You know, not bad asses or I should just put it as assholes."
Well, he didn't say that exactly. I just changed it in a way... Alright, I rephrased his whole sentence. LOL. But it's more or less the same.

The 1st ever guy I dated wasn't entirely Mr. Perfect but he was halfway there... He has good reputation, very good with people, listens to his parents, active in sports and quite a religious person. But we did not have a happy ending. Fortunately. Yes, fortunately. If it wasn't for him; I won't learn.
And since then onwards, I started being a lil bit reckless...

But you know what I think? I think it may be true. And/Or it may be because of a thing that happend to me when I was a child. Only then did I noticed about it, 'then' was the same time when I had the bad experience with that guy I 1st dated.

But anyways, moving on on a not so lighter note,
I had a talk with a friend, and I have come out with the conclusion that... I'm a bad person.

What? Why? When? How?

I'll tell you...

I changed - a hell lot. I am no longer the same person you think I was a few years back, or even months back. My perspectives on a lot of things has also changed. I have my own theories now. The way I think; the way I express myself; the way I treat people. It's all not the same. Not anymore. &I doubt it would be.

One of the things that is still within me is, my attitude probably. Sometimes because of this, people tend not to open up and be honest with me. &I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

You know what, I have also come down with the conclusion that I may not be a girlfriend material. I may be the worst ever girlfriend-to-be. These days, I play around a lot. A WHOLE LOT. Yes, friends have voice out their concerns. I just brushed them away. To me, playing around doesn't hurt; unless someone gets it first.

&The thing is, my family and friends did try to warn me - at least I think they did. It just didn't go in my head. Eventually, I'll think about it later on. But later on ain't a good thing. Not in this case, no.

My goodness Epah; when are you gonna change for the better? How long are you gonna live your life like this?

The thing is, I'm completely aware of what I'm doing; I just couldn't care less. &I like it. You might ask what the hell am I rambling about? Well honey, it's a thing that has been bothering me for quite a longgg time. It's personal. And writing a quarter of it here in my blog is actually a very bad idea. I know this; I'm conscious about it but still I'm doing it.

It's just a reminder for my dear self.

"Epah, remember who you are. &See at what you've become."

Oh God.

What do you have to say now?

p/s: I wanna go to a foam party!!! So so bad.


Anthea said...

I think it's normal to change, regardless of whether you realize it or not... People just gotta understand ;)

And i think what your brother said is true oh. about the dating guys part. haha...

Anonymous said...

i totally agree wif ur bro too..

the guys u see..

-jeng tower

Anonymous said...