Eid al-Adha

Happy Eid al-Adha, people!
I've been really frustrated probably this whole week.
Hope tomorrow's gonna change my mood for the better.
Dressing up is always fun, always always way fun with family around. =)

Have a good one, hey!
Cheers!

xoxo.

Again & again.

Have you ever felt being used? And betrayed by someone you trust? Have you?

Probabyly because they think they could get away with it or something...
But you know what, I knew it was happening. I just couldn't understand why you didn't think it wasn't important to just spill it out & fucking tell me. Tell me.

I didn't know you were like this. And we've spent almost every time together. You could have just tell me a straight NO and be done with me.

By all means, I'm allowed to hate you for it as it all happened behind my back. AND YOU USED ME. You USED me. And I was being stupid about it.

I hate you. Hate doesn't even seem strong enough. Loath. Is loath worse than hate? Despise? Detest? Deplore? No, deplore isn't very strong. Generic hate would have to do it.

&You know what the best part is? I can't stop thinking maybe I wasn't good enough.

Let's see how much of a nice person with a kind heart I am now.
Let's see.

I wish I knew.

Time together isn't ever quite enough...
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home.

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time...

When we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time...

Please.

Please please please, stop harassing me, my siblings, or any of my family members.
There was a reason when I wanted you out of my life, and I want that to stay that way.
Please stop bothering me. You're just making it worse. :(

&Dove bird, I miss you. So so so much. :'(
I wish you were here.

In loving memories of Mathew Jose Katikkaran...

My final paper is just a few hours away... I tried studying the whole night, but I couldn't pull through as much as I thought I would. Been crying my eyes out; my cheeks are flushed, my eyes are swollen and I'm having a headache. I couldn't even read, understand and memorize properly... My mind has been wandering and I can't seem to concentrate on anything.

Been thinking too much of Mathew...

His dorky smile that always goes to one end of his mouth, the smirk he had always had on his face, the loud voice of his calling out to tease everyone around, that British accent of his, his joyous and playful personality that turns everybody's frown upside down, his silly laugh, that swagger-like walk of his, and him...just him to be exact.

He's part of the family, he's a part of Jeng. Loosing him, means loosing family...means loosing a Jeng member...means loosing a part of yourself.
:'(

For ever & always you will always be in my heart. In all our hearts.

We dearly love you. We miss you already, buddy..
Where ever you are, I hope you know this. I hope you're looking down at us and smiling. I really hope so. I love you, Mat.

Knowing him, probably he's looking down at us now...and saying;
"So long suckas! I graduated from life! See you on the other side!"
;)


To Mathew:-
Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

- Northwest Indian Memorial on Death

Forever & ever Mat, forever & ever. :')

Mat, I love you.

Mathew Jose Katikkaran ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ We will always love & miss you. I will. :'(

Prove me wrong.

You play with my mind way too much. Can you lay down the truth for me?
Look me in the eyes and tell me it's not true what you're feeling.

Someone save me?

Finals has begun, and god damn man, I still don't have a care in the world!

Someone slap me, someone slap me please.

My first paper was today, another one this Thusrday, one on Friday, and the next Monday. I'm free after that. Whoop-de-do! =)

It's 2.10 in the morning now, I should be sleeping...either that or studying with exams going on and all. But I slept the whole freaking day after my paper due to excessive information running in my head and some serious lack of sleep. I was too mentally and physically tired and drained. Now I'm all fresh and not even the slightest tired. &Everybody else is fast asleep.

Gawdd, perfet timing, Epah!

Just perfect. Hehs.

xoxo.

Tell me why.

Why do I let you get under my skin? Why do I trust you?

Words are just gonna get me into trouble...

So let me rephrase that.

:( :( :( :( :(

Some things are meant to be left out; unspoken.

So-called-Study-Week.

Let me just say this here.

I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,

I'M SCREWED!!!

Final exams begin on the 10th (for me)... & I have not started anything!
Okay, maybe a lillll bittt. BUT STILL. I have to get serious, and I'm not even worried. I have got to find my zealousness. Soon, soon. I hope so.

I need another reality check.

&Oh, such good news... My laptop is spoiled. Went out to reformat my notebook earlier on today, and I can only get it back on Monday. &Exam is on Tuesday, and my notes are in there. And my files. My god damn files.

Grrreeaattt. Just GREAT.

Good Luck for exams, people.
Good luck to you, good luck to me, good luck everybody.

Stop hurting me.

I want nothing to do with you no more.
This ends...Right here, right now.

I wish I can say this...out loud.
:(

There's always a first time for everything.

I'm having finals next week and the week after that. Then, I'm done with this semester! Been trying to study these past few days. I tidied up my room and updated my notes just to set in the mood. Hopefully I'll be studying soon.

Oh, my roommate has been pretty happy this few days. HAHA. Yes, I just had to mention it here, Shafiya. I'm happy for you and good luck with that! ;)

I've been listening to Michael Jackson's - You Rock My World and Owl City's - The Saltwater Room a lot on repeat too. In fact, I'm listening to it now. Right this moment.


Anyhow...

How was your Halloween people? I had fun! The crowd wasn't so fun; but the dressing up part was fun! I'll just post a picture from the party.

photo credits to Mr. Roy :)

Here, you have a witch, the angel, lady liberty, Frankenstein, the devil, a bunny and a bat. =) That's us; as this one group that was too shy to walk in as other people wasn't so dressing up. But it's Halloween! You're supposed to do so! Isn't that the whole point?? LOL.

I hope next Halloween would be more happening. I already have an idea on what to wear. ;D

Anyways...

I went out with the girls last weekend; Anthea, Marianne & I. We went under garments hunting! HAHAHA. Now I got Anthea broke and crazy over sleep wears & Marianne all hyped out on laces. :P
But it was, nonetheless, fun I tell ya!

Marianne & I. It was such a coincidence that we liked the same bag and it matches our outfit on that day. Cool huh? :D
A clearer picture of the bags that Marianne & I fell in love with. God, I really want this. God please give me the blue bag. :P
I didn't take a picture of Anthea, but I do have a picture of her sexy feet & her brand new sandals! Haha.
Hey girls, let's go out again! JOM JOM JOM. =)
&Ohh, remember that little plan of ours? Let's make it happen, and nobody will ever know. *wink wink grins*

Alright, I'm out of words already. I feel like cuddling in bed while watching a movie. Come join me? Night y'alls!