Get Inside My Head.

Can’t we really…love someone..?

2011-01-29T13:08:00.001-08:00

Babe,

I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about what you said..

And you know what?

It’s not that we can’t truly love someone; it’s just that we’ve been hurt the first time so bad. If not during the first time, then maybe it happened again the second time. And we got cheated on too maybe… And these people, that did these to us, they’re actually good people. Another reason for us to be more careful. And maybe because we’ve done things that we’re afraid that they’ll do to us too. So there’s always that voice at the back of our heads that keeps messing with us. Even after finding someone new over and over again, there’s just always something else that hurts us, and that hurt that we have that was almost cured, just got wounded up again. Just keeps on stacking; because you know, and I know people like us - we say we’re okay with it because we’d like to think that we are, but honestly, who are we kidding? We’re not really. It still affects us, subconsciously sometimes. And because of that, we’re afraid to; it’s not that we can’t - don’t doubt yourself. I was almost there- to actually love someone with all my heart, but things happened. And the process continues. You see, we don’t really open up to people easily; at least I don’t think we do. So we probably take longer time to accept things and be comfortable with it. Some people learn it the hard way…some people like us. You get what I’m saying? ;)

Well, at least that’s what I think… What do you think? :)

Tumblr.

2010-08-29T07:43:00.000-07:00

FINALLY...

I have my own tumblr... WOOT WOOT!

BUT.

I'm so I.T challenged.

HAHAHA.

I get it, bits by bits now though.

Come and look...

www.epahhatesfish.tumblr.com

I'm still learning ;)

Sweetness.

2010-08-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

"The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for."

Can't help but wait.

2010-08-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

It's been ages hasn't it! :D

I'm currently at home, filling my days with whatever I have in mind at that moment. Won't deny it, I miss Miri. & I miss the people in Miri. Although I do feel a bit relieved since I don't need to study and pass my exams and all that in this period of time, but I do miss the life. All & all, it does seem to intrigued me, about what's gonna happen through these months that I have to face. Had a big lapse from my life, and currently recovering from it. I hope. :)

I'm a victim of my own doings. It's as if I'm still falling but hasn't hit the ground. Not yet. Very soon though, very soon indeed. Allah save me.

Tonight is gonna be a good good night.

2010-06-27T03:18:00.000-07:00

Feels good to be home.

SO SO GOOD.

I'm ecstatic, yes...ecstatic.

Almost...orgasmic?

Yeah, maybe that too.

LOL. :P

Endless supply of food ranging from chocolates to dim sums to fruits and ohhh yogurts. Damn!

This is why I love home.

Anyways,

It's already the end of the semester, and having my one month holiday now.

Explains why I'm at home.

Hopefully everything goes as planned.

Till then.

Let me enjoy the comfort of my family & home :)

xxx.

Someone?

2010-06-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

Be my Superman, and save me?

Finals starts NOW!

2010-06-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

My first paper tomorrowww!!! WOOOOOSSSSSAAAAAAAAAA!

I can do this, I can do this!

All the best & Good Luck to y'all sitting for exams!

Say a little prayer, it might just help...

We need all the luck we could get.

GOOD LUCK, people!

;)

You know what?

2010-06-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

I hate you for making me feel like this...

But did you hear the end of it?

I can't get enough of you.

Because, I .....

Hmm :)

Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher. :)

2010-06-11T08:16:00.000-07:00

This is the last day of study week and I'm being so unproductive. I tried to study, but i failed. LOL. Okay, I won't lie, I did read a bittttt, but after awhile I couldn't 'cause of the condition I'm in now. I'M SICK. :(

Damn you flu + cough + sore throat + headache + fever ! I swearrrrr, I need to study so bad, but this is so not totally helping.

God, give me the strength to carry on.. (Gimmick lebih je, too overly over dramatic. HAHA)

Anyways, what I am right now is annoying the hell out of me. I can't taste my food, my taste buds are dead...for now.

I cannot smell anything. I cannot smell my food, I cannot even smell myself!!! GAHH.

I don't know how I smell like... :( LOL.

&OHHHHH. I found out I have asthma??? WTF. Freaking asthmaaaa??? I just think it's funny, after 20 freaking yearsss. Apparently, the doctor said I'm wheezing a bit... Hahaha. URGH.

Oh hey, moving on...
I'm quite addicted to this K'naan song. He's some Somalian artist, pretty good song by the way. I think it's the FIFA World Cup anthem song or something? I heard this other one from Shakira, but I don't think it can beat this one.

This one's awesome! lol. Take a look :)

Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher. :)

Very cool huh. I love it. ;)

I want you to know.

2010-06-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

“Just because I appear happy, doesn’t mean everything’s ok. Just because I don’t listen to you, doesn’t mean I don’t care. Just because I’m gullible, doesn’t mean you can lie to me. Just because I’m sarcastic, doesn’t mean I don’t take things seriously. Just because I’m not like you, doesn’t mean I’m weird. Just because I don’t say I love you, doesn’t mean I don’t.”

World Spins Madly On.

2010-06-04T02:21:00.000-07:00

I swear I miss Mathew so much now. I want you back.

One more time, just to hear you breathing...

:')

Flowers by the Lakeside.

2010-05-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

I find it amazing how much your heart can love someone and no matter what they did or going to do, your'e still there for them. And no matter what they've done, you're okay with it. Not to say that you are totally okay with it, but you learn to be okay with it. And you can still take them as for who they are. No matter how little or much they had change. Just the thought of being in line with someone, I find that you are lucky if you can actually have someone you can talk to, practically about anything at all. Though, you might get shocked from what you are about to learn from the other person. But it's amazing how that person can just calm you down just like that. Maybe it's the comfort they give, or that soothing voice they talk to you in, or their presence that you can feel so strong. Or maybe, it is just them. Maybe you guys are meant for each other, but you don't know it. It's like destiny, how ever far you run away, and whatever things you do to avoid it, it's there. It's always has been there. Just there. A static feeling both of you can feel. Sometimes it's so strong, even the people around you are touched by it. I thank you for being in my life. Though the harsh things I might have said or may not say in front of your face; I appreciate you in my life. Thank you for being there.

Or maybe I'm all wrong for being a fool...

:'(

2010-05-24T12:03:00.001-07:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!

I'm gonna die!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!

I'm panicking so so bad right noww!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!

I need Valium!

Each moment counts.

2010-05-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

You know when you're in this one state that you just have to get something off your mind, it can either be a confession or just a thought that has been bugging your for some time. You know that feeling? Well, I get that feeling a lot. A hell lot. But in the end, most of the time I tend not to tell it to anyone. 'Cause most of the people I would want them to know about whatever it is I wanna tell them, they'd just go MIA on me. Or I don't know...Or something. So.. at the end, I just keep it to myself cause after that I don't feel like talking about it no more. Tried telling you, but you didn't wanna listen. Tough luck. That moment just passed by.

Sleep texting.

2010-05-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hi ya peeps!

How's your day? Mine's okay. Though, I had a bit of a shock from someone sometime this morning. A good shock probably, but you know...it's not supposed to happen.

Anyhoos...moving on....

So, like... I've been having all these dreams right, like they are so totally weird. LOL. But yes, I have been having weird ass dreams that may include you probably!!! It all seemed so real that I got freaked out myself. It's hard to explain, but I think these dreams of mine lately has got to do with what I keep thinking of. &Even when I slept for 8 freaking hours, I still feel tired when I wake up. :(

It's the subconscious mind of Epah, man. & It's scaaary.

&It's not like it's not already weird...

But apparently, I've been sending weird messages to certain people in this few weeks whenever I wake up with a jolt from my sleepless dreams. I've been sending messages half asleep. I've been sleep textinggg.

It's like drunk dialing, except that I don't drink and it's not a call, and I won't exactly remember on what I'm doing. GAWD.

I blame the overload shit full of works & the tense. It's intensity is too intensive.

GAAHHH. Oh well.

Good night.

Catch a faling star & put it in my pocket, save it for a rainy day...

2010-05-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

♥♥♥

Okay, I have a confession. I have been logging in and out of my blog account here, but not managed to write even a single sentence, that is until now...
Nothing seems to interest me, I lost hope, I lost my touch, my interests, and hell lot of respect from a lot of people probably. But if you were to ask me 'how's life?' I'd say, it's good. It's all good...
You see, this is the problem here. I AM THE PROBLEM. I bought this predicament to myself, now I have to gather and muster all of myself to sort this out. I seem not to care, I don't know why. I mean, I don't want to disappoint people that has hopes for me; be it high or low, but but but..I'm being an asshole.
I'm gonna try to wipe my mess and get my shit straight, Inshaallah.
I think I need a little push, just a little, not a lot. Overdoing it might give me the wrong idea and impression which may get me back to square one.
But oh well, I'm proud enough to know that I know I have a problem but not proud at the way I'm dealing with it...or not dealing with it at all.

But you know... Maybe that's just how I am. That's how I work..

'Cause you know...

I think I just have more shoes to walk in.....

♥♥♥

The Marley Theory.

2010-04-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

Singin' : Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!

;)

Normal for me.

2010-04-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know what is wrong with me...

I know I have assignments I need to finish up..

What the hell am I thinking? :(

Someone has to look up inside my head.

Before it gets worse.....

Whoop-dee-doo.

2010-04-01T23:02:00.000-07:00

I've been watching too many series of WEEDS...

I had a dream my dad was selling drugs...

Along with my 2 uncles,

And me...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

Okay, not funny..

But you know, you can earn a lot of money from that...

Though dangerous..

Hmm...

It's like a small family business...

Oh, maybe I can do that for my Management 100 assignment...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Okay, I'm loosing it...

LOL.

Feels good to be home.

2010-03-31T03:11:00.000-07:00

I've been home for sometime now.

It's gonna be a long 2 weeks, a not-so-tuition-free-week, but still I think it's always good to get away and take my mind off things. I do have a lot of assignments though. Really need to start doing soon...

Anyways...

It just feels good to see the people around you, just to remember where you stand. (if I'm even making sense) :)

Been doing a little bit of reading, so I just I'll just be on my way...

Good day, people!

Cheers! xx.

Those Moments.

2010-03-22T06:16:00.000-07:00

Remember when we used to hang about and just keep on talking? Remember how you used to tease me about everything you can just to get the story out of me? Remember all the secrets that I told you, and you told me? Remember when you used to drive me anywhere I want to go because you just feel like so? Remember all the places we've been? Remember the times you got mad at me for not listening? Remember when you used to care so much? Remember you used to tell me stuff...and you used to tell people stuff too, just to get me out of trouble? Remember when we just have each others back?

I remember... I remember all of it.

I miss you, Mathew... We all here do.. And being in Curtin just doesn't help at all.

We try not to talk so much about you now, because it just gets to us. Every time someone says your name, everybody just keeps quiet. I know they don't say it, but I just know everybody misses you dearly. I do.

I just have these moments when I think of you; I just don't like the feeling.

Man, I miss you. :(

It's the weekend!

2010-03-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

I just suddenly have the urge of going out and getting crazy!

Ladies! Who's with me??

;)

Peace is just a state of mind.

2010-03-13T04:46:00.000-08:00

Right his moment, one year back I lost my grandpa...

Yesterday, I lost someone dear to me..

Two more days from now, it's exactly 4 months since I lost Mathew..

&I've been having one of those days where I feel like I'm loosing myself.

I don't know where my mind is at now. I just really need someone.

Allah, help me. ;')

Nothing lasts, don't it?

2010-03-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

An epiphany I had...

I think I'm over-thinking love.

LOVE - Should be from your heart, not your head. Ahh, what am I saying. Love just doesn't work well on me. Very non-wearable on Epah. LOL.

I had always think that it just doesn't make sense to force someone to be with you, even if you care a lot. Even when that specific person would be the last person you wanna lose. If the person chooses not to be with you, probably he/she has got good reasons behind that. &There's always no point of having a forced relationship, why don't just let it go then eh?

I think we moved a lil' bit too fast. Even for me.

You would just be crazy if you liked me anyways...

'Cause you know, I had always imagine myself as a spinster when I grow older. Maybe I don't belong with anybody, I'm just as good as I am.

Thanks to those who I have talked to about this and talked to me, I love you guys. :')

“When someone leaves you, the worst thing you can do is ask yourself why,” she began. “Because as soon as you know the answer to that question, you’ll just replace that question with another one—and no one should have that much power over you. At some point, you have to let go, and realize that you can’t make someone want to be with you. Either they do, or they don’t. Now if they do, then great; but if they don’t, then move on and believe that God has something better for you.”

I just need time to understand all of this and pick up all the little pieces I left on the ground. And all the things I had ignored. You... I am so sorry. I never wanted to be a burden to you. If you're happier like this, I'll let it be. I pray for you on every single chance I have. InsyaAllah, this will get better.

And here I am, right back where I started, and poor me, was too innocent and naive to think that it would last forever.

That happy/sad feeling.

2010-02-23T01:09:00.000-08:00

I've started packing things to bring back to Miri. I'm leaving for campus in approximately 3 or maybe 4 more days. It's already almost 3 months. Damn.

Been behaving in a lethargic manner nowadays. It's unhealthy for me I know.

Nevertheless, I'll see all of you on the other side!

Good day,..

Now...let me continue my packing.

;)

Happy Chinese New Year 2010!

2010-02-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

It's the year of the tiger! Rawrrr! LOL.

Though...

I'm sad for not going back to celebrate this new year with the family.

Pity mama there's too much stuff going on at home she can't go back..

Kung kung!!! Next year okayy! I miss you! I love you!

So sad...I actually shed a few tears while watching the fireworks from afar. Damn. :(

Of relationships, complications & you...

2010-02-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we are too busy to notice our surrounding, we keep this fast pace in our lives so we can catch up with almost everything. Sometimes we don't notice the little details that makes the whole picture perfect. Sometimes we go so fast we tend to leave out words.

Sometimes words...tend to slip out of our mouths...

Without mutual understanding, it can create chaos. I'm just a girl; asking for you to understand me. I'm trying really hard right here. &Most of all, I love you.

Sometimes, we just forgot to stop...And smell the flowers.

I'm sorry.

Talking about needs.

2010-02-09T09:07:00.000-08:00

All of a sudden I'm having this urge of having pet cats. Or to be more precise, just a cat. I miss having cats I can play with or even talk to every time I feel like it. They don't complain like humans do so it's always a plus. It's more of a plus because humans too need listeners once in awhile.

But you know after thinking it over and over again, although it's cute to have a cute pet but maybe it's not such a good idea. Since I'll be away for campus and there won't be anybody that would take care of my cat(if I would actually have one)voluntarily.

And of course, after all the hamsters I used to have that died on me...and also my sisters. Maybe it really is not a good idea. I even had a hamster that ran away from it's cage. Was found a week after, then gone again a few days after that. Take note though, I wasn't the one taking care of them, I was in Uni. LOL. Still I feel sorry for them.

Aaah... Alright.

Let's just get down to business and let me tell you what I really want...

I really want to get this out of my chest.

Actually,

..........I really want satays. LOL.

Yes.....satays. :)

Open Your Eyes.

2010-02-07T07:12:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, my holiday is coming to an end. Real soon. I still haven't started my journey of finding myself though. LOL. Though I did find a part of me. In somebody else. :)

You know what, I just noticed something. I've been behaving in this mundane-kind-of-behavior lately. It's a good start for a new version of me. 'Cause you gotta admit, getting excited at almost anything can be a little dull, not to say annoying(and bothers the hell out of me in a way)sometimes. Not that I'm saying it's not fun to do so. But you know...Hehe.

But oh well. I guess there's never an ending to that kind of journey. And even when there is, the journey of the journey (if that makes sense?) is all that matters, not the end result. Like what people say, "You are what you're made of". But is that really true?

If you ask me, I gotta agree with that as cliché as it might sound.

So anyways...

I stumbled into this the other day. Brothers & Sisters, take a second and do take a look. It's something more of the religious side of me I guess. For those non-Muslims, also Muslims readers; it's an eye opener for me. Hope it's for you too.

It may be applied to other religions too(in a way?), if you want it to be.

Wait up till the middle part okay... 'Cause you know, sharing is caring. :)

SubhanAllah.

My Weekend.

2010-01-31T04:49:00.000-08:00

It takes just one person to make you feel on top of the world.

It takes another to make that world crumble and fall.

Life is full of bizarre expectations.

&Some things are not to be expected.

Come what may, because I know...this too shall pass.

Flabbergasted.

2010-01-22T12:22:00.000-08:00

Apart from all the little commotion and obvious shown of confusion and sadness, I must admit, I'm pretty damn happy right now. Really happy. &I can still be 1st. :)

Babe, I thank you for that; for what you did today...

At least I am more at a peace of mind now. =)

I'll see you next week? Can't wait to!!!

xxx ;)

Harleen, I have big news. Will tell you ba, don't worry. :)

Second place.

2010-01-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

I'm always the 2nd choice, never the 1st one.

I'm always never good enough.

'Bout time I should just accept the truth.

About time,..

:'(

You have no idea what I'm going through. :)

2010-01-13T02:22:00.000-08:00

Dear you,

Basically what I've been doing is downloading and watching movies over and over again.. My life pretty much sucks so bad lately up until the point I feel so numb. I don't know what to do.

Now, I'm in this state of waiting for something to happen, because you know and I know... We both can't do anything about this. Mostly me. All I can do is wait.

I'm just waiting for that moment to come, and for me to fall so I can pick myself up again. Hey, listen to me. It wasn't any of your fault. I left 2 years ago, I made that mistake. You can't feel guilty for what I did, right?

I pray, with all my heart for your happiness; now and forever. InsyaAllah it's gonna turn out just fine. If it won't, time will heal baby. Time will heal.

I love you. =)

&Ohh, I accidentally downloaded this movie, "A Lot Like Love", watched it already and it turned out to be more like a lot like us. But, with you know, with a happy ending. Our ending haven't even started.

Keep that smile on your face, no more sad faces. OK? :)

From,
me ♥

Seven pounds.

2010-01-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching Seven Pounds. Clare recommended it and told me it's a good movie. I've had the movie in my laptop since last year which I got it from Chris. (aww, I miss Chris. & I miss you too, Clare)

Anyhoo...

Finally took the liberty of my time and sat down to watch it.

Turns out I had missed a lot by not watching this movie so much earlier on when I had it with me all this while.

I'd say... It's one of the most beautiful and inspiring movie I've ever watched. It's touchingly sad. =')

I have always been a Will Smith fan too, I find all his works quite marvelous. Hats off and a big clap. Great movie, you should watch it too. :)

Woot Woot!

2010-01-01T02:12:00.000-08:00

I was in the car heading back from a cousin's wedding today, and all of a sudden I was like "Eh, it's 2010 already?" Everyone in the car started laughing. Lol. Yeah, it is 2010.

Subhannallah. Alhamdulillah. Allahu Akbar.

We've made it this far. ;)
Be thankful that we've made it this far. New resolutions anybody? Me? I've never really had one... I do hope every year is better than the one before. & I hope that for all of you too.

Thank you for being in my life, thank you for coloring my life. You've made me who I am today, & I've too.

So to all the people I know, Happy New Year 2010. Let's sit down, take a moment to look back at all the things we've been through; through thick and thin.

&Also, prayers to all the people I have lost in my life. Prayers to the loved ones, prayers to everybody.

Cheers!

Have a good year ahead! InsyaAllah. =)

Seven days in a week.

2009-12-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

So I just watched Avatar with Abah. FINALLY. I actually wanted to watch it with my brother, sadly he couldn't wait for me, so yeah... I have been mentioning about wanting to watch the film so so bad at the movies over and over again to my dad. He finally gave in and took me to the cinema. HAHA. I love you, Abah. =)

Avatar was really nice. Damn nice. It's been awhile since the last time I watched a movie that has the propensity to WOW me. This movie surely did. I have never been so happy to see humans die. LOL.

I have been busy with life lately. Have been spending my days in leisure and a lot of relaxing. I have been listening to a lot of Pitbull and a lot more of John Legend on repeat too. :)

Will be updating soon with pictures taken during trips and so on.

&Ohh, Dove bird, if you're reading this. I miss you. A lot. ;)

Dilemma

2009-12-23T13:32:00.000-08:00

For all I know I've been going around like a mad person. Been filling my time with so much activities and parties and meeting up with friends. But nobody knows that the reason I'm doing this is because so I don't have the time of the day to sit down and think about myself; how and what I've become.

I still can't run away from it... Not entirely...

Been going through ups and downs, and a couple more downs. So far, I have learned a lot. You can never run away from the person you already are; you only grow into character as time passes you by..

InsyaAllah I will change for the better, I hope I will. :)

I'm home!

2009-12-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps! So finally, I'm back home. I had so much fun in KL though. Sarah, Hannah, Dinah! I miss you guyssss!!! :(

Anyways, been going out a lot these few days. Been trying to figure out some stuff up too. I'm quite in a mess and I had just learned about a few stuff that has been happening back home while I was away. InsyaAllah, everything is going to turn out fine. InsyaAllah. =)

&Finally, I've been able to go online from the comfort of my home on my own laptop. Nothing beats the feeling of familiarity you get from using your own things eh?

So I made a mini checklist for what I'm gonna do during my hols. Check this out:

List of things to do during summer break.
1. Have fun!
2. Have more fun!!
3. Have even more fun!!!

LOL.

Moving on...

I was on fmylife.com and I read through one of the submission and I thought it was just so damn funny I just had to post it up here.
I somehow pity the guy though. Anyways, this is what he wrote:-

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

Hahaha. My god. Please people, stop with the Twilight rage already. Hehe. Have fun people! I know I will. :D

xoxo.

Still on hiatus.

2009-12-04T11:16:00.000-08:00

I'm still in KL and have been for quite some time. Gonna still be here for a few days more before heading back home. Having too much fun can be tiring. But of course, worth it. :)

So sorry for no updates oh ye obidient readers. :P

Anyways, been going to the movies almost every night. I have watched most of the movies that are playing in the cinemas around KL.

Though... I am yet to go to a foam party. LOL.

Oh yeah, I watched Paranormal Activity and I tell ya, it sucks. So baddddd. I can't believe some people got freaked out from watching that. But whatever then...

Alright people, gotta be moving. Have some more plans going on. Ciao!

Eid al-Adha

2009-11-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Eid al-Adha, people!
I've been really frustrated probably this whole week.
Hope tomorrow's gonna change my mood for the better.
Dressing up is always fun, always always way fun with family around. =)

Have a good one, hey!
Cheers!

xoxo.

Again & again.

2009-11-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt being used? And betrayed by someone you trust? Have you?

Probabyly because they think they could get away with it or something...
But you know what, I knew it was happening. I just couldn't understand why you didn't think it wasn't important to just spill it out & fucking tell me. Tell me.

I didn't know you were like this. And we've spent almost every time together. You could have just tell me a straight NO and be done with me.

By all means, I'm allowed to hate you for it as it all happened behind my back. AND YOU USED ME. You USED me. And I was being stupid about it.

I hate you. Hate doesn't even seem strong enough. Loath. Is loath worse than hate? Despise? Detest? Deplore? No, deplore isn't very strong. Generic hate would have to do it.

&You know what the best part is? I can't stop thinking maybe I wasn't good enough.

Let's see how much of a nice person with a kind heart I am now.
Let's see.

I wish I knew.

2009-11-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

Time together isn't ever quite enough...
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home.

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time...

When we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time...

Please.

2009-11-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Please please please, stop harassing me, my siblings, or any of my family members.
There was a reason when I wanted you out of my life, and I want that to stay that way.
Please stop bothering me. You're just making it worse. :(

&Dove bird, I miss you. So so so much. :'(
I wish you were here.

In loving memories of Mathew Jose Katikkaran...

2009-11-15T13:37:00.000-08:00

My final paper is just a few hours away... I tried studying the whole night, but I couldn't pull through as much as I thought I would. Been crying my eyes out; my cheeks are flushed, my eyes are swollen and I'm having a headache. I couldn't even read, understand and memorize properly... My mind has been wandering and I can't seem to concentrate on anything.

Been thinking too much of Mathew...

His dorky smile that always goes to one end of his mouth, the smirk he had always had on his face, the loud voice of his calling out to tease everyone around, that British accent of his, his joyous and playful personality that turns everybody's frown upside down, his silly laugh, that swagger-like walk of his, and him...just him to be exact.

He's part of the family, he's a part of Jeng. Loosing him, means loosing family...means loosing a Jeng member...means loosing a part of yourself.
:'(

For ever & always you will always be in my heart. In all our hearts.

We dearly love you. We miss you already, buddy..
Where ever you are, I hope you know this. I hope you're looking down at us and smiling. I really hope so. I love you, Mat.

Knowing him, probably he's looking down at us now...and saying;
"So long suckas! I graduated from life! See you on the other side!"
;)

To Mathew:-
Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

- Northwest Indian Memorial on Death

Forever & ever Mat, forever & ever. :')

Mat, I love you.

2009-11-14T17:50:00.001-08:00

Mathew Jose Katikkaran ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ We will always love & miss you. I will. :'(

Prove me wrong.

2009-11-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

You play with my mind way too much. Can you lay down the truth for me?
Look me in the eyes and tell me it's not true what you're feeling.

Someone save me?

2009-11-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

Finals has begun, and god damn man, I still don't have a care in the world!

Someone slap me, someone slap me please.

My first paper was today, another one this Thusrday, one on Friday, and the next Monday. I'm free after that. Whoop-de-do! =)

It's 2.10 in the morning now, I should be sleeping...either that or studying with exams going on and all. But I slept the whole freaking day after my paper due to excessive information running in my head and some serious lack of sleep. I was too mentally and physically tired and drained. Now I'm all fresh and not even the slightest tired. &Everybody else is fast asleep.

Gawdd, perfet timing, Epah!

Just perfect. Hehs.

xoxo.

Tell me why.

2009-11-07T13:40:00.000-08:00

Why do I let you get under my skin? Why do I trust you?

Words are just gonna get me into trouble...

So let me rephrase that.

:( :( :( :( :(

Some things are meant to be left out; unspoken.

So-called-Study-Week.

2009-11-06T12:02:00.000-08:00

Let me just say this here.

I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,
I'M SCREWED,

I'M SCREWED!!!

Final exams begin on the 10th (for me)... & I have not started anything!
Okay, maybe a lillll bittt. BUT STILL. I have to get serious, and I'm not even worried. I have got to find my zealousness. Soon, soon. I hope so.

I need another reality check.

&Oh, such good news... My laptop is spoiled. Went out to reformat my notebook earlier on today, and I can only get it back on Monday. &Exam is on Tuesday, and my notes are in there. And my files. My god damn files.

Grrreeaattt. Just GREAT.

Good Luck for exams, people.
Good luck to you, good luck to me, good luck everybody.

Stop hurting me.

2009-11-03T12:35:00.001-08:00

I want nothing to do with you no more.
This ends...Right here, right now.

I wish I can say this...out loud.
:(

There's always a first time for everything.

2009-11-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

I'm having finals next week and the week after that. Then, I'm done with this semester! Been trying to study these past few days. I tidied up my room and updated my notes just to set in the mood. Hopefully I'll be studying soon.

Oh, my roommate has been pretty happy this few days. HAHA. Yes, I just had to mention it here, Shafiya. I'm happy for you and good luck with that! ;)

I've been listening to Michael Jackson's - You Rock My World and Owl City's - The Saltwater Room a lot on repeat too. In fact, I'm listening to it now. Right this moment.

Anyhow...

How was your Halloween people? I had fun! The crowd wasn't so fun; but the dressing up part was fun! I'll just post a picture from the party.

photo credits to Mr. Roy :)

Here, you have a witch, the angel, lady liberty, Frankenstein, the devil, a bunny and a bat. =) That's us; as this one group that was too shy to walk in as other people wasn't so dressing up. But it's Halloween! You're supposed to do so! Isn't that the whole point?? LOL.

I hope next Halloween would be more happening. I already have an idea on what to wear. ;D

Anyways...

I went out with the girls last weekend; Anthea, Marianne & I. We went under garments hunting! HAHAHA. Now I got Anthea broke and crazy over sleep wears & Marianne all hyped out on laces. :P
But it was, nonetheless, fun I tell ya!

Marianne & I. It was such a coincidence that we liked the same bag and it matches our outfit on that day. Cool huh? :D
A clearer picture of the bags that Marianne & I fell in love with. God, I really want this. God please give me the blue bag. :P
I didn't take a picture of Anthea, but I do have a picture of her sexy feet & her brand new sandals! Haha.
Hey girls, let's go out again! JOM JOM JOM. =)
&Ohh, remember that little plan of ours? Let's make it happen, and nobody will ever know. *wink wink grins*

Alright, I'm out of words already. I feel like cuddling in bed while watching a movie. Come join me? Night y'alls!

Just kill me.

2009-10-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

FML. Seriously. FML.

Sexiness in Everyone

2009-10-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

Check this out. I really like this ad. It's really cool. Who says us Muslims women can't? LOL. One of my favorite ads actually. =)

You did that.

2009-10-27T01:12:00.000-07:00

You just smashed my heart. Yes, you did. You hurt me, and I'm not even denying it.

It's high time for me to figure this one all over again.

&Start my new mistake.

Another one.. and another one..

Until I get it right.

Thank you.

Thank you to you so so much. :')

Hats off & a standing ovation for you.

I'll worry if I were you btw...or not.

Reality Check.

2009-10-20T02:17:00.000-07:00

Something just has to hit you in the face in order for you to know you're doing the wrong thing. I mean, sometimes you do know, but you just can't accept the fact that it is wrong.

You keep on going and going and going until it just hits you in the head.
And you crash...HARD.

LOL.

Sounds a lil' bit too dramatic...
BUT,
I did get myself in quite a predicament here.

Been slacking off of the reality world. Now, currently I'm cleaning up my act and trying to redeem myself by starting with my assignments. Finally eh? Haha.

I got myself into this, now I just have to deal with it.

I kinda like the excitement it gives actually. =)

Happy doing assignments & revisions, y'all!

Good Luck.

You-tubing.

2009-10-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

My first ever concert I went to was one of Michael Jackson's. I was such a big fan of him since God knows when!

Linking to that, I went on you tube to search for interesting videos of live performances from Michael Jackson. I stumbled into a live performance from him & Britney Spears. Two of my favourite singers; it's legendary! This was years back though, and I actually remembered watching this from the comfort of my home with the family. We're all big fans of Michael Jackson. I'm just a much more bigger fan of Britney Spears than they are. =)

I know I would have enjoyed this show more if I was actually there. LOL.

Britney Spears is so hot here.. If I'm not in the right state of mind, I would have turned bi for her. HAHA.

But, anyways. Enjoy! :D

Ohh, I've been coughing like mad lately. :O

Can you feel the heat?

2009-10-16T02:58:00.001-07:00

Watched a movie entitled "Heat". Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino were in it. Also, Val Kilmer and a young teenage Natalie Portman. It's an old movie, but it was nice. It's about these really professional robbers. I just like the way bad boys think. LOL

"A guy told me one time,

Don't let yourself get attach to anything you are not willing to work out on 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

One of my favourite lines from the movie. =)
That particular line just hit me, and I was reminded of my own decisions that I may have or have not made.
Makes me think, it is true. Don't get in whatever problem you don't want to deal with in the future. But sometimes, people are too caught up in the moment, they just don't seem to care nor notice it.

Choose wisely, people!

Cheers!

What I'm feeling.

2009-10-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

There's just too much angst within me. I would want to let it out so badly. Only if I know how...

smash smash smash KAA-BOOMM!

Won't that be easier?

SIGH.

Am I wrong to do so?

2009-10-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden, I just feel like screaming. I'm so cranky right now, & I don't even know why. Maybe because of bottled up feelings? I don't know... I don't know what hit me. Everything is just so disdain right now. Everything just doesn't seem right. One thing, or the other just bother the hell out of me. This is such a hassle.

I need to.

I want to.

Can I..?

Can I just
SCREAM???

I'd die to find out what's up with me.
Exactly. Right. Now.

What a Day!

2009-10-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my home town yesterday.

I went to class as usual...and I was kinda excited to see someone after class.

I did see him, we had a fight and I didn't get too excited anymore after that.

I don't know man.. I really don't know what's gonna happen.

It turned out better after that though.

Maybe we didn't really figured out what to do, but I'm glad we talked.

&I really want things to work out.

Just remember what I told you okay.

I hope it'll get better.

Interesting day I had though.

...This too shall pass...

Come down, Run down.

2009-10-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Eid everybody! Yeah I know, I know... I'm a few weeks late, but we are still in the month of Eid,...so why not eh? =)

Was planning to take a family picture and posting it up here, but we were too busy & nobody actually remembered to take one. LOL. Raya was fun though, nonetheless.

Raya was hella fun I tell ya!

It was hectic all through the week. I went visiting with different groups of people each day. Hahah. There was the family group, the siblings, the cousins & the friends.

&Somehow in between, the friends found the opportunity to slip in some Martel. And not to mention, a lot of dates, camels & poos. HAHA.

I miss you guys. I miss everybody back home.

Moving on,...
I didn't go to prom nor the after party. I had something else going on back home at the very same time. No biggie. There's always next year eh? =)

I heard it was fun; but I had my own fun going on, so that's okayyyy. ;)

Exam's coming in less than a month. I gotta start picking up my pace & I better start reading. Fast.

Goodnight people. Happy Monday!

You have stolen My heart.

2009-09-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

I have not been updating for a long time eh? Been busy with Raya...& assignments.

Just for the sake of updating...

Check this song out. Currently addicted to it.

&it has been on my play list non-stop. =)

AND, since I am unable to embed the video here...

Do check out the link.

Stolen - Dashboard Confessional.

You are the best one,
of the best ones. :)

Salam Eid Mubarak.

2009-09-18T04:23:00.000-07:00

Salam Eid Mubarak, people! I'm kinda excited for Eid this year.

Just a quickie today.

Just to let you know I'm still surviving...
even after mid-terms && assignments.

But thank God, I'm done with those.

...At least for now...

Alright. I gotta go. I gotta double check my things.

My cousin's picking me up with his friend & we're driving back home. =)

See you, guys.

See you, Curtin.

Happy Holidays & Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfirti.

Ciao, ciao. ;)

Sometimes you just have to follow where LIFE takes you. ;)

2009-09-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to write about something for the past few days; on every single day since my last post. But, to no avail...
Can't seem to be thinking of anything lately. Probably my mood has not kicked in yet.
&My ambiguous mind is killing me.
But anyways, give me an idea on what to talk about, people! Why do I feel so weird these few days? Heh.

Let's just be more optimistic here lah okay... Gotta stop with all these negativity...

I've been writing a lot actually. Just that when I'm halfway there I'll delete everything. Every single thing. I don't know why though. It's like as if I don't want people to read what I'm thinking. It's not like it's gonna be a huge impact on anybody or whatever, I just feel weird about writing...Which is ~~not~~ normal.

I probably just need some excitement. But, I don't know... Probably it's not happening anytime soon. But you know what? I think I need a time-out; or a day out being lazy with people I love & just wasting time together. I would really love that. =)

Eid is coming soon and I'm quite excited. Not till the verge of jumping around acting cuckoo while wishing everybody a happy Eid though. Not until that extent. No, not yet. ;P

I haven't been talking to a friend in a long time. So was nice talking to you, Nabil. :D

I'm looking forward for the I-Fest tomorrow being held in the new multi-purpose hall. Hope that'd be great! :))

&Looking forward to wearing my new babies! Gonna be rockin' it soon. ;)

Was supposed to be going out tonight, but someone got tipsy. &Everything was canceled. :(

Well. That's it. I'm out for now. Ciaos.

p/s: A random thought. I think stubble can be pretty hot on a guy. :)

Get to Know me better,

2009-09-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

Shi Yi tagged me, and since Valerie posted it in her blog, I might as well do the same. :P

Though, I'm not so sure if it does really say the right thing about me. Do you? ;)

Anyways... I got this from Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Just to fill in the time. :)

Knowing you, Knowing me.

2009-08-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

You know what? My brother invented a theory. For me.

Before that, this post does not have to do with anything at all. It's just a random thought that has been in my mind for some time. Read if you want, leave if you may. =)

Anyways, I remembered my brother said,

"I think the first guy you ever dated just fucked things up for you and changed your perceptions on good guys. Like the actual good guys that girls should give a second look at and actually give the chance to be with. You know, not bad asses or I should just put it as assholes."

Well, he didn't say that exactly. I just changed it in a way... Alright, I rephrased his whole sentence. LOL. But it's more or less the same.

The 1st ever guy I dated wasn't entirely Mr. Perfect but he was halfway there... He has good reputation, very good with people, listens to his parents, active in sports and quite a religious person. But we did not have a happy ending. Fortunately. Yes, fortunately. If it wasn't for him; I won't learn.
And since then onwards, I started being a lil bit reckless...

But you know what I think? I think it may be true. And/Or it may be because of a thing that happend to me when I was a child. Only then did I noticed about it, 'then' was the same time when I had the bad experience with that guy I 1st dated.

But anyways, moving on on a not so lighter note,
I had a talk with a friend, and I have come out with the conclusion that... I'm a bad person.

What? Why? When? How?

I'll tell you...

I changed - a hell lot. I am no longer the same person you think I was a few years back, or even months back. My perspectives on a lot of things has also changed. I have my own theories now. The way I think; the way I express myself; the way I treat people. It's all not the same. Not anymore. &I doubt it would be.

One of the things that is still within me is, my attitude probably. Sometimes because of this, people tend not to open up and be honest with me. &I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

You know what, I have also come down with the conclusion that I may not be a girlfriend material. I may be the worst ever girlfriend-to-be. These days, I play around a lot. A WHOLE LOT. Yes, friends have voice out their concerns. I just brushed them away. To me, playing around doesn't hurt; unless someone gets it first.

&The thing is, my family and friends did try to warn me - at least I think they did. It just didn't go in my head. Eventually, I'll think about it later on. But later on ain't a good thing. Not in this case, no.

My goodness Epah; when are you gonna change for the better? How long are you gonna live your life like this?

The thing is, I'm completely aware of what I'm doing; I just couldn't care less. &I like it. You might ask what the hell am I rambling about? Well honey, it's a thing that has been bothering me for quite a longgg time. It's personal. And writing a quarter of it here in my blog is actually a very bad idea. I know this; I'm conscious about it but still I'm doing it.

It's just a reminder for my dear self.

"Epah, remember who you are. &See at what you've become."

Oh God.

What do you have to say now?

p/s: I wanna go to a foam party!!! So so bad.

Some things never change.

2009-08-29T08:45:00.000-07:00

I've been staring at the same web page from yesterday. It's something I Google-d for my Marketing 100 assignment. I have to identify my primary target market it says here; referring to my outline. &The more I read through; the more I get confused. :S

I gotta figure this out soon. I HAVE TO.

I tried studying too, but well - EPIC FAILURE. As least I tried? Hehh.

Let me see, a little note-to-self here.
What have I gotta do within these two weeks? Hmm...
1. Marketing 100 assignment.
2. Study for Business Law 100 Topic 2&3, also the 4 step processes.
3. Economics 100 midterm.
4. Economics 100 article analysis.
5. Business Info System 100 individual assignment.
6. Business Info System 100 group assignment.

Surprise, surprise... None of it is done; and still I'm typing away instead of carrying with my responsibility.
Epah epah. Apa la you...

=(

Watch out fellas!

2009-08-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

So...Let me tell you what has been happening lately.. Or at least for today... :P

I'm back back back in Miri!!! Just got back yesterday...

Shafiya is still in Shah Alam, and I'm making full use of the night lamp since she's not here. Haha.

Went out with the whole lot of Jeng to get some ingredients for the fish curry that Jaz will be cooking for sahur tonight. Sadly, I'm not fasting; but doesn't mean I can't have some! LOL.

Poom Poom got in to the quarter final!!! Finally, they made it. WHOO HOO! lol.

Was supposed to go for Amanda's birthday party going on now; but none of the Jeng felt like going, so that explains why I'm not going. Amanda kept asking me to go, and even Ashvind called! =(
I feel realllyyy awful. I'm so sorry Kitty Kat, I'll make it up to you okay Manda manda? =)

&also, Kevin crashed the car; therefore there's no car for us to go out. The car is in the workshop now and thank God, Kevin and Tako are safe. :)

Currently chatting up with Chris as I'm typing this down. LOL. I miss you old buddy! I miss your lameness! I think I miss you too much that I'm actually sounding really lame like you! Hahaha.

A guy is putting my name as his p.m. and I don't know why.. Still there, still there, still there.

Lastly, I have not been productive. I have yet to start revising for the mid terms && ALSO assignments! God, please help me. Hope I'll make it through, insyaAllah. =)

SO that's it people! See ya, when I see ya!

xoxo. ;)

p/s. My comment box is now officially open for Anyone - & yes, this includes Anonymous Users. =)

Stupid Mistake.

2009-08-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

If you didn't know this yet, I'm currently back home in Bintulu. =)

Every single time when I'm home, I'll get into this very very very extra lazy phase. Like doing anything would be a waste of time; while doing nothing on the other hand is very productive! An efficient way to start my puasa don't you think? LOL.

Anyways...

As I unpacked my stuffs earlier on just now, I just found out that I forgot to pack my panties along. I FREAKING FORGOT TO TAKE MY PANTIES WITH ME!!! Freakin' hellllllllll!!! Hahaha...

I find this funny... Like hell,
How can I forget man?? And to sum it all up, I accidentally kicked my left middle finger last night, and since I have extra long nails; it hurt like hell! & yes, it bled. =(

Damn man.

Nevermind... Since I'm back home, something nice is bound to happen. Soon. :P

Well, at least I have a reason to buy new panties to add to my collection. LOL.

That's it for tonight. Night y'alls!

Selamat bersahur. =)

Ramadhan Al Mubarak!

2009-08-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

So, we're gonna start fasting tomorrow... And I'm actually excited! LOL.

I'm back home right now, gonna be having my 1st Ramadan with the family. My mom's excited that we're all here together. ;)

So.. Happy Ramadan y'alls!!!
Hope you'll have a good one.

xoxo.
=)

So, people! How are ya?

2009-08-14T12:24:00.000-07:00

I have not been updating for quite an amount of time now and I think my dearest blog must have missed my rantings and ramblings. Sorry dear Bloggie, here's one for you! Hee. :P

Anyways, I've been really random this week; and people have been random with me. S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y. Hahah. :D
Let me just state what's been going on here; just so you don't feel left out. HAHA:

1. I've flirted with 5, okay, maybe 6 different guys in one whole day.
2. I went on the last Curtin bus for one ride and didn't even get off: Yes, the driver was weirded out.
3. I'm thinking of doing a labret-below the lips.
4. I laughed like hell in a 3 hours class.
5. I laughed like hell in the same class; when I was doing a test.
6. I feel like clubbing, and doing something wild. Not a good idea; but am capable of doing so.
7. My economics 100 lecturer thought I was not Malaysian.
8. One of my new friend thought I was a Christian.
9. I've made over 30 new friends in less than 2 weeks.
10. Now I know I'm capable of talking and getting a guy to ask me out with just a smile.
11. Another new friend thought I was from Detroit.
12. I've not been thinking of him lately. I am now, but still-an improvement!
13. Found out an old scandal liked my blog. Maybe still do?
14. I drove to DPS at 9p.m. just to get Mango juice.
15. I think guys with button up shirts, jeans and sneakers are sexy.
16. I think I may be crushing on 4 different guys at the same time.
17. Abah bought me a new phone.
18. I'm thinking of changing to Maxis; well Abah is forcing me too actually.
19. I've been fasting for the couple of days.
20. I bought new matching boxers and singlets.
21. I'm psyched out and very eager for Poom Poom to play in the futsal tournament next week!

WOO-HOO! Tut tu ru rut tut! POOM POOM! ;)))

I'm jinxed.

2009-08-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

I keep ending up with assholes...

I should just give up on love.

Tag, you're it!

2009-08-05T23:31:00.001-07:00

1.If you married the person you last texted, what would your last name be?

**You know what, it'll be too much controversy if I actually put the name here. So, pass. HAHAHA.

2.What did you do today?

**My day's not finished yet. But had a 3 hours class, and just got back to my room. :)

3.Do you know a secret about your last featured friend that would embarrass them

**Which featured friend??

4.What is one fact about the last person who called you?

**LOVES me! :D

5.Last time you were on the phone?

**A few hours back.

6.What's for dinner?

**Something really niceee! LOL.

7.Ever fought with someone older or younger?

**Of course.

8.How many e-mail addresses do you have?

**three to be exact.

9.Last time you washed your hair?

**Last night.

10.Do you like Oreo's?

**Uh-huh Uh-huh. It's nice.

11.Can you ice skate?

**Oh yessss. I loike.

12.Do you have a brother?

** I have 2.

13.Do you know how to change a diaper?

**Yup.

14.Do you keep a planner?

**I do, but I don't use it all the time though...

15.What kind of mood are you in?

**Just...neutral.

16.Do you take out the trash?

**Sometimes.

17.What's the best part about being single?

**I can flirt around. HAHAHA.

18.Do you watch "The Hills"?

**Used to.

19.Who are you thinking of right now?

**B.

20.Wearing any bracelet?

**Not now, no.

21.What are you doing now?

**Listening to Rain.

22.Who was the last person that helped you stop crying?

**Myself? LOL.

23.Who do you trust with your life?

**No one specifically.

24.If you could change your name to anything what would it be?

**I prefer mine, just the way it is. =)

25.Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?

**If the benefit is high, possibly.

26.Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?

**Bath tub,yes. Shower,no. Eh wait, I think I had.

28.What are your parents middle names?`

**Adam & Wee.

29.Righty or Lefty?

**Righty.

30.Favorite juice?

**Carrot.

31.Have you had the chicken pox?

**Yes.

32.Have you had a sore throat?

**Had one last week.

33.Who knows you the best?

**Hard to say...

34.Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?

**Both.

35.Last person to see you cry?

**Harleen & Shafiya?

36. People u tag!
** Harleen! Mr Roy! Ashraf! Abby! Anthea! A'ishah! Seetah! Val! Rome! Fatin! Fynna! Malik! Nadea! =)

Just for your info . . .

2009-08-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

I AM still alive. I'm not dead. Well, not yet.

I am already back in Miri,been here a week already and classes are already starting. Kinda pumped up for the new semester, and looking forward to a new beginning, from ALL aspects. ALL OF 'EM.

& Ohh, I thought Miri was gonna suck so bad without many of my friends around, but nah... I can still survive. Though, there are quite many changes around here, I'm still okay with everything though.

Really looking forward for a new..."everything"...

=)

Cheers!
xoxo.

p.s. My phone broke. I'm phoneless. (Daddyyyyyy...!)

MJ's new friend!

2009-07-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

Currently listening to 'Ai Wo Bie Zhou'...the Jay Chou version though.. =)

I was playing with MJ the past few days, and I thought it may be lonely sitting alone in that cage of his... SO... I bought another one!! LOL.
I had one hamster, I bought another one.. Now I have two! That to me, made sense mathematically! (Russell Peters accent) Hahah. ;P

It's the same color, just that its a female and a lil bit smaller in size.
So everybodyyyy... Meet Minnie a.k.a Mrs. MJ.

Oooppsie! :P

Eyes bulging out wide man... Hahaha.

Damn cuteee. ;))

That's MJ!

That's both of 'em together. MJ on the left, Minnie on the right.
You hardly can tell them apart yeah? LOL.

I loveeeee them both!!! =)

That's it for now y'alls!
TTFN.

Holiday's ALMOST Over.

2009-07-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

I was playing around with MJ, then all of a sudden, it stopped moving!!! Freaking hellllll. Hahaha. It's okay now though. I mean, it didn't really stop moving, it just didn't move as much. Hee. MJ I'm sorryyyy, I love you! =)

Anyways, I went through a couple of blog pages just now...

& I can't believe holiday is coming to an end. Like, so soon??

Gotta start being more productive then, and most of my friends are already on the way back to Miri, or going soon. I'll be a wee bit late guys, but I'll be there!

See you guys soon!
XOXO.

2009-07-17T23:19:00.001-07:00

Blog readers...!

Meet Mickey Jackson! MJ for short. :P

My new pet hamster. :DMy lazy cheeky cheeky bum bum.
And my current obsession. Well, apart from that guy. =))

Holiday last-minute update. =)

2009-07-17T11:41:00.001-07:00

I'm in bloody confusion right now. I don't know what to do; I don't know what to think...
Should I go for option A, or should I go for option B? Hmm...

Anyways,
on a lighter note...

Let me tell you what I've been up to the past few days..

Holiday started off really nice, everything just went on smooth. But that was just the starting. After that, things started getting a lil bit busy. Been going out every single day and night. Not good eh? Well at least it helps me sleep at night since I'm so damn tired from going out and having fun the whole entire day! :D

Clare left for two days ago. How sad... I miss you already :(

The last night she was here, Clare picked Rome, Chrystal, Valerie & I up. Shu Wen joined us later on. We went to this place called 'Blueberry Cafe'; we drank, we ate and we played pool. & for the first time, I had my hands on those stuffs and I found out I suck so bad in snooker! LOL.
But anyways, we crashed Harleen's crib after that. We were making too much noise it's fortunate none of the neighbours complained. ;D

*Ohhh. Val! I want pixxies!!!*
I don't have the ones with you nor Rome inside.
please & thank you! ;)

I'm just gonna upload random photos here, just to share the activities we did. ENJOY!

Presenting... Clare! With our transport. Yes, all of us had to squeeze inside the tiny Kancil.
Clare; Our Ahmad. Chrystal; Penolong Ahmad. Harleen; Penumpang Ahmad. :-P

Again. Yes, we kinda entered a construction site...

And they wanted me to pose. LOL.That place that we entered.
...which we weren't supposed to...

Harleen, I, Chrystal.Some random photo...

Harleen & I.

That's all for now! TTFN.

Quickie.

2009-07-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

I have been damn busyyy~
Will update real soon.
Take care you guys.
=)

Alhamdulillah.

2009-07-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

I passed my foundation. Hello degree! LOL. :D

I quote.

2009-07-08T22:34:00.001-07:00

"I'm taking notes so if I bring you out it's perfect."

End quote.

That made my day, and days after that. =)

Ready? Start. Go!

2009-07-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Last night I was blown away by something... Something that never in my life I thought would actually come true.
You shocked me when you told me that.
Nonetheless, I'm looking forward for the future.

I'm expecting the unexpected now.
:D

Disappointed.

2009-07-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Was supposed to go to KL next week, but Abah just HAD to have an emergency meeting in KL tomorrow, so he headed to KL this morning already. &Since he just came back from KL yesterday, he said he's gonna cancel the trip next week because he doesn't want to keep going back and forth from home to KL back to home, then KL and then finally back home. I don't know if you get what I mean, but aww, kesian Abah lelah. =(

But, still...I ~~want~~ need to go shopping! Oh, how sad! But oh wells, as what Nash said, pity my daddy. So, it's okay la. Hujung tahun okay Abah!! Hehehe. :-P

&Of course, Abah just had to force me to continue my driving lessons. I'm starting class tomorrow. I don't like driving lessons; bores me to death. Huhh.

And, ohhh... It's approximately 3.10 p.m now, and I have not been sleeping since yesterday. O.o

Right, ciao!

I may need help.

2009-07-05T14:25:00.000-07:00

Yikes!

This is some serious shit man..

It's been almost/already 2 weeks..

And I'm still not sleeping during the night..

Oo-ooh.

Ahhh~

2009-07-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

I badly need to get out and clear my head! I need some shopping! I mean, I got brand new clothes yesterday from Abah's trip to KL... But the satisfaction is not the same as when you yourself are actually out there picking/choosing/selecting your own garment. Oh my God, I think I may need help, it seems I'm just wayyy too addicted with shopping. What kind of problems am I facing actually? :(

Oh dayyyymmmmmm.

And oh, I tried sleeping early earlier on, and I did. But I woke up halfway through, explains why I'm typing this down at 3.26 friggin' a.m.

AND, one more thing, FARUQ!!! Happy Birthday buddyyyyyyy!

We've been good buddies for quite a long longg time. And I can happily admit that we've been through thick and thin all this while. Lucky to have you as a friend. Really. ;)
Let me just tell you, I was actually planning a surprise party for you okay? LOL. But I failed because you are not even in Bintulu right now! Ah wells, I'll take you out for dinner. Happy Birthday and may you have an enjoyable one! && all the best for your upcoimg exams! XOXO.

Out yalls!
=)

Transformers 2

2009-07-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

...is just brilliant!Call me crazy, but somehow... I think Optimus Prime is kinda hot. Ahahah. :-P

Autobots! Roll out! Tit tot tit tot.
LOL.

Currently one of my fave! ;)

It's me, it's not you.

2009-07-02T14:07:00.000-07:00

I've been standing in the same skin before I met you, when I met you, when I learned you, and when I fell for you.
& I'm still falling... without asking for anything in return...

I'm okay with that.

;)

Total Failure.

2009-07-01T15:18:00.001-07:00

Okay, I know I said I was gonna go to sleep. But nooo, I just had to look through facebook and twitter and yada3. Now I'm too caught up and the time is almost 6.30 and I'm still up!
Now Mamak is already up. My brothers too. & soon, my youngest sister. It seems like I may not sleep today. 6.O
Right, what ever. Good day everybody...

This is not insomnia.

2009-07-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

It's 5.08 as I'm writing this down. My eyes are still wide, am I'm really awake, not even a bit of tiredness running through me now. Everybody else is sleeping soundly, and here I am-the only one awake. How sad can it get? Pathetic man.
I gotta fix this and try sleeping early. I swear, by tomorrow! InsyaAllah.
Ohkay, am gonna force myself to sleep now.
Good morning y'all!
Ciao.

Out of the blue...

2009-06-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

Jedi.
I miss you.
A lot.
;'(

I used to come back home, and there you are... Most probably in your room, or maybe on the couch reading the newspaper or maybe on that favorite chair of yours watching the Tv, but you feel asleep halfway through. I used to come to help you out with your medication, or help you out with your clothes and things that needed to be arranged in you room. We do have a good laugh sometimes don't we?
Now I come back, and there's nothing there. You're not there anymore.
But sometimes, it feels like you are still here, maybe I'm still in denial, I don't know?
But I know I miss hearing you getting mad at me, I miss those times when you joked around, I miss that. I miss you.
May your soul rest with those in favors of Allah.
Al-Fatihah.

Fun Day.

2009-06-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

Despite being in an unstable state, I still can think straight. Thanks to my family and friends. =)

I've been keeping myself busy these few days, going out at every chance that I can get and having all these little little parties where I just hang out, eat and have some laughs. Kinda cured me a bit. We even had a barbecue party the other day. That was hella fun! We partied and danced at the porch at the end of the night to Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'. Just a contribution to him. ;)

Today...I went out with Abg & Hannah. We didn't really have a destination to go too though. We were just heading to random places just because we have the time to do so. It was a cold & rainy day and we went out to get ABC's! Lol.
I had fun playing around and being silly in the mall too.

Hannah,

Abg,

Me...

& all of us together. :D

Andddd, I bought myself a new pair of shoes from Nose! LOL. Just can't get enough of shoes, can't I? Hahah.
It was between these babies and some gladiator heels. But since everybody is all hyped up with glads, I chose these pointy babies here! Plus, I have a bonus. It's not just pointy heels; it's pointy yellow heels! LOL. ;-P

Love these babies! ;)))

Alright, that's it for today. & to wrap things up, have a good night & happy holidays people!
Ciao.

Babe.

2009-06-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

To,
You know who you are, Babe.

If I give you only 5 minutes to tell me every single person that you love,
Would I be mentioned?
Am I important to you?

What if you die tomorrow and never get to be with the person you love?
What if I die tomorrow, would you remember me?
What if we got into a fight, would we ever be friends again?

Think about all the questions you would ask your friends if you die tomorrow...

Would they cry?

***

It's not easy to let us go. I'm sorry I love you.

I'm sorry for everything.
I'm sorry you had to deal with me.
I'm sorry you had to go through all this bull.
I'm sorry for being an ass at times.
I'm sorry for complicating your life.
I'm sorry that you're sorry too.

Babe, I'm sorry. :(

For all the right reasons,
and for all the wrong reasons,
I just love you.

***

I hope you read this. I miss you.

Always,
Epah.

Sigh.

2009-06-26T09:33:00.001-07:00

After so much of that, I'm afraid I still do miss you...

Get outta My face.

2009-06-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

VERY damn pissed off right now.
You know, you should have just let it be. Why did you have to ruin things up?
You screwed this. Badly.

Stop acknowledging, stop appreciating me.
I know what unimportant means.
Thank you for making me see. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

When you're just not important; you're just not.

;)

2009-06-25T04:39:00.000-07:00

“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

Happy Holidays!

2009-06-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a longgg tiring day. LOL. Nevertheless, I had so much fun man! Started off with my last paper for this semester. Yes, I'm holidaying nowww~ *winkwink*

Anyways, I went out with Jenna, Sumi & Chai Shia. I'm gonna miss you guys during the hols ya know? ;) We went to the beach, then Bintang Mall... & where else did we go? Hahah. OMG, it was just now and I don't remember? LOL. Just tired la I guess..

So, here's some pictures we took & also some strangers took. Hahah!

We just had to take the "Who's-feet-are-these" picture. LOL.

Our silhouttes - an epic fail. Hahah!

Happy Jenna jumping.

Happy Chai Shia posing.

Happy Sumi peace-ing. HAHAH! :P

& yours tryly. ;)

Aww. I love you guys! ;)

After that, they sent me to Aunty Aminah's place for dinner. It was Fizah-her youngerst daughter's birthday, so I bought her a little something something. Hope she loves it. ;)
It was actually my first time meeting the whole lot of them as a one family, had a great time, and we seriously should do it more often!

&& Masitah! I did not know you were reading my blog?? Where in the world did you even find the link? LOL. Do drop in some comments, and we should hang out more! Do bring me out, cuzzy!

p.s. That guy; one of Ariffin's friends. He knew I'm an Al-Attas. How did he know thaatt? Try to find out for me please? K, thanks! LOL. Ahah, no really, thank you. =)

Ohhh, I didn't take pictures with you guys laaa. Next time okay C-tah. ;)

Oh-kayyy, heading to the shower to have a niceee longggg bathhhh. See ya. See ya. &happy holidays!!

J.E.N.G.

2009-06-23T03:14:00.000-07:00

I have just one more paper to go tomorrow.. Then, I'm done with this semester! I was happy earlier on, now I'm just sad. =(

I miss the whole lot of the JENG! It's a sad fact. And knowing a lot of them won't be back here with me again bring such heartache. You see, this JENG I'm talking about is my family here back in Curtin. My people, of some sort.

Our trip to Bintulu.

Open House at Harleen's.
Jazli's surprise birthday party.
Kevin's surprise birthday party.

We've had so much fun together. I'm missing everybody... Haihs. Alright, need to concentrate for tomorrow. I miss you guys. I love you guys..

1st day of exam.

2009-06-22T02:26:00.000-07:00

2 down, 2 more to go! Woo-hoo! Saw a familiar face today, long time didn't see you Mr. Roy! ;)

Finals TOMORROW!

2009-06-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

I'm having my Accounting 062 final exam tomorrow at 8.30 in the morning, and here I am sitting down, doing nothing. I tried to sleep, but can't. I tried studying, I can't too. I'm having this jittery feeling, guess I'm quite nervous about the exam. God, I hate this feeling. I keep checking my notes just in case I left out a part and kept on reading and reading. But nothing can go in my head anymore. I know I've done my revision, so Insyaallah I can do this. For all my papers.

Best of luck to all foundation students of Curtin. We can do this. Surely. =)

See ya. See ya.

Just one more week.

2009-06-21T04:49:00.000-07:00

Jaz, Harleen & Hsiang left today.

All of a sudden I feel very alone; sad and blue. A lot of my friends have already left the campus. Even in my own floor, there's only about 3 of us left. Only foundation students are left, waiting for exams to finish this week. This is just all so unfair.

I don't like being lonely.
I don't like you, Mr. Loneliness.
=(